Unfiltered

When I was 18 or 19 I found myself in the midst of a spiritual crisis.  At the time I had no real belief in God.  I was living in France far away from all that was familiar to me.  In the critical moment of that crisis I said to God, "I need to know that you exist.  Not in a week or a month or even in an hour, I need to know now."  Two friends, walking slightly behind me, unaware of either my crisis or my silent prayer ultimatum, began to sing a hymn I remembered from childhood:

God sees the little sparrow fall

It meets his tender view

If God so loves the little things

I know he loves me too.

My prayer in that moment of crisis was real, immediate and unfiltered.

I have since learned to filter my prayers.  And all for the sake of "good" theology.  I understand that God is sovereign and that his sense of timing is perfect.  St. Peter says that a day is like a thousand years to God and a thousand years like a day. (2 Peter 3:8)  What seems to me to be an interminable delay is but a moment to him.  The "I need to know now" prayer was impudent and cheeky.  To ask God to do things on a quicker schedule seems presumptuous.

And so our prayers become couched in provisos like, "if it is your will," and "I know that you understand what is best."

But read the psalms.  They are prayers unfiltered.  There are request that God save and do it quickly.

As part of the daily office from the Book of Common Prayer we pray:

O God make speed to save us

O Lord make haste to help us.

These are taken directly from the psalms.  Examples are 38:22 and 70:1.  Here there is an immediacy of prayer.  Unfiltered by what he "should" say, the psalmist speaks what is real and immediate in his heart.  And in the midst of trial and crisis what is in my heart is: Lord, make haste.  I think my way out of praying this prayer for all sorts of good theological reasons – the Sovereignty of God chief among them.  But again the psalmist keeps it real.

The truth is that God is under no obligation to speed up and his picture of quick may differ wildly from mine.  I get that.  But knowing that does not diminish my longing for speedy aid.  I acknowledge the sovereignty of God.  But my prayer will be real - what is in my heart.  It is sanctioned in the psalms.

My prayer in that moment of crisis was real, immediate and unfiltered.  And answered.  Speedily.

I know that this is not always the case, but I will still pray:

O God make speed to help us.

O Lord make hast to help us.