A vow of silence

I said, "I will guard my ways,
that I may not sin with my tongue...
I will guard my mouth with a muzzle,
so long as the wicked are in my presence."
I held my peace to no avail,
my distress grew worse.
My heart burned within me.
As I mused, the fire burned; 
then I spoke with my tongue.
Psalm 39:1-3

After a multi-week silence (at least from a blogging perspective) it is ironic that I am struck today in Psalm 39 with the psalmists unconquerable urge to speak.  But I have known this very experience many times.  The vow, "I'm not going to say anything," firm and resolute, melts then evaporates in the pressing heat of my opinion or my sense of justice or simply my need to be heard.

I have known this vow of silence and subsequently burning need to say something when one my children exits the front door wearing something our household euphemistically calls "a bold use of color."  I have know it in study groups where I feel I am talking all the time and want to rectify that.  And in situations, perhaps more like the psalmist's, where the wicked, or at least wicked behavior, goads me.

As so often is the case, I am amazed that the ancient voice of the psalmist describes perfectly my very contemporary experience - resolution to hold my tongue overcome by my impulse to speak.  And from there I look at and listen to the rest of the psalm to see what it says to me.  And that, today, is also very interesting.

One might think that the application here is to self-control.  But I think not.  When the psalmist opens his mouth it is not to critique alarming clothing choices*, nor to add his wisdom to the conversation, nor to bring justice to the wicked.  It is to ask God to grant him humility:

Lord, let me know my end and the number of my days,
so that I may know how short my life is...
We walk about like a shadow,
in vain we are in turmoil.

And it is not exactly humility that we need?  The lowliness to acknowledge, however good, salient or true, not every situation requires my input. Humility to remember my own failings and "bold uses," to remember that the conversation can survive very nicely without my contribution and that I, too, am a sinner in need of correction.

Lord grant me humility, that I may be enabled to keep my vow of silence.


*A good friend once counseled me on this front: "If you can wash it off, take it off or cut it off, don't sweat it."