Anxiety

The BCP lectionary has us reading I Kings 19.  In this chapter Elijah finds himself threatened by Jezebel and flees in fear for his life.  And this hot on the heels of a nearly swaggering Elijah and his showdown with the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel in chapter 18.  There he is taunting the prophets suggesting their god is asleep or on vacation.  In chapter 19 he is cowering in fear.  What's up with that?

Jezebel has promised to kill him within 24 hours and Elijah flees, fearing for his life.  He goes a day's journey into the desert and "asked that he might die, saying, 'it is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life for I am no better than my fathers.'" (I Kings 19:4)  Oddly enough, had he but stayed where he was, Jezebel would have gladly granted him his wish.

Afraid and anxious, Elijah complains to God.  But if Elijah just had more faith in God, he would not be anxious.  Right?  Wrong.  Faith in the goodness and power of God is not a defect in Elijah.  Read chapter 18 again.  His boldness is not that of a faithless man.  He is just simply afraid of what might happen.  He is anxious.

We are anxiety avoiders mostly because, I think, it is a form of suffering and suffering we can do without.  Elijah seeks to avoid the suffering of anxiety about his future at the hands of Jezebel by wishing he were dead.  The desire to die here is perhaps an attempt to avoid the uncertainty of what is going to happen.

Our avoidance of the suffering of anxiety is perhaps less spectacular than wishing to die (only perhaps, though).  We work hard at talking ourselves out of anxiety - and piously so.  Repeatedly we remind ourselves that God is in control - quite true - and exhort ourselves to more faith in his goodness and sovereignty.  And we do this not to honor his Name (that would be good and right) but to dispel our own feelings of discomfort.  Or at least I do.

I understand that there are levels of anxiety which are truly debilitating for people.  That there are anxiety disorders that people struggle with.  I am not speaking of this here.  I am speaking of the usual, every day anxieties that most of us experience and wish we didn't.

I read this by C.S. Lewis this week:

"Some people feel guilty about their anxieties and regard them as a defect of faith.  I don't agree at all.  They are afflictions, not sins.  Like all afflictions, they are, if we can so take them, our share in the Passion of Christ."  (from Letters to Malcolm)

Rather than trying to avoid the reality of suffering and anxiety, I wonder if we would be better advised to suffer with Jesus - as he did in the garden of Gethsemane, with tears and bloody sweat.  There was no defect of faith in Jesus either.  He is eternally convinced of the goodness of God - and yet he was fearful and anxious of what was before him, the unknown of the suffering of the cross.  And sufficiently anxious that he asked for the cup to be taken away, adding "not my will but thy will be done."

I do not assume that Jesus' submission to the will of the Father removed all fear and anxiety.  That is part of his Passion.  But that fear and anxiety is experienced with courage, grace and resolution.  We see the action on the outside.  We do not see the internal affliction of soul.

God's response to Elijah in his desire to die is not to reassure him of His power and goodness.  Nor is it to promise that Jezebel won't kill him.   God sends an angel and provides food for him.  "Arise and eat for the journey is too great for you." (I Kings 19:7)  And he sets more work before Elijah.  In the midst of your anxiety, there is work to be done.